中翻英 || 鹿道森遗书(1)

精读|翻译|词组

路过人间

Passing by this world

嗨，我是鹿道森。这是最后一次这么介绍自己了。

Hi, this is Lu DaoSen. This is the last time I will introduce myself in this way.

今天是我出生的日子，我应该怎么向你介绍我呢，农村，留守儿童，山区孩子，校园霸凌经历者，摄影创作人，独居青年，追梦的人。这么说来，我好像有太多身份可以向你说起，但想说的太多了，却又不知道该怎么说。

Today is my birthday. How should I introduce myself to you? A child left behind and raised in a rural mountain area, a victim of school bullying, an independent photographer, a young man living alone, and someone who chases his dreams? It seems that I have so many identities. There are just too many things that I want to say, but I don't know where to start.

那就从我的童年开始说吧。

Let's start with my childhood.

从被踢那一脚开始，我就决定要回家，9岁的我能做的也只有这样了。即使已经25岁了，我还是不能忘记那种感觉。我只是不能完成跨级的功课，我又做错了什么呢？这也成了我心里一辈子的阴影。对于家庭，对于父母，恐怕也是从这里开始有了想要远离的想法吧。

From the first time I got kicked down at school, all I wanted to do was go home. That was all I could do as a 9-year-old anyways. Although I am now 25 years old, the memories still haunt me. Was it really so bad that I couldn't finish my advanced [higher-level] homework? I have been struggling with this trauma my whole life. From this moment on, I started to think about leaving my family and my parents for good.

我的恐惧，我的不安，我是否不值得被爱呢？如果世界上只需要神童，那我这样智商的孩子，是否就应该被这样对待？直到现在我还是会去找借口，是望子成龙。

I was horrified and anxious, wondering if I was unworthy of love. If the world is meant only for prodigies, should I accept that a child of my IQ just deserves to be treated like that? Even now I would still ascribe this to my parents’ over-expectations of me.

翻译分析

1. 嗨，我是鹿道森。这是最后一次这么介绍自己了。

Hi, this is Lu DaoSen. This is the last time I will introduce myself in this way.

原翻译： Please allow me to introduce myself this way for the last time.

改为： This is the last time I will introduce myself in this way

理由：翻译没有问题，但不够自然，native speaker认为听起来有些别扭

2. 今天是我出生的日子，我应该怎么向你介绍我呢，农村，留守儿童，山区孩子，校园霸凌经历者，摄影创作人，独居青年，追梦的人。这么说来，我好像有太多身份可以向你说起，但想说的太多了，却又不知道该怎么说。

Today is my birthday. How should I introduce myself to you? A child left behind and raised in a rural mountain area, a victim of school bullying, an independent photographer, a young man living alone, and someone who chases his dreams? It seems that I have so many identities. There are just too many things that I want to say, but I don't know where to start.

原翻译： a left-behind child from a rural mountain area, a victim of school bullying, a photography creator, a young man living alone, and a dream chaser?

改为： a child left behind and raised from a rural mountain area, a victim of school bullying, a photographer, a young man living alone, and one who chases his dreams

理由：有些翻译不够地道。比如a photography creator属于字对字进行了翻译，听着很不自然，直接采用photographer，而dream chaser两位native speaker都表示能够猜出什么意思，但从没听过，其中一位google之后发现dream chaser搜索的主要结果都是在将一个航天器。因此翻译才用了一个稍微复杂的someone who chases his dreams。

一校修改添加born and grown in，语法有误，此外将school bullying改为school bully均不正确。

3. 那就从我的童年开始说吧。

Let's start with my childhood.

4. 从被踢那一脚开始，我就决定要回家，9岁的我能做的也只有这样了。即使已经25岁了，我还是不能忘记那种感觉。我只是不能完成跨级的功课，我又做错了什么呢？这也成了我心里一辈子的阴影。对于家庭，对于父母，恐怕也是从这里开始有了想要远离的想法吧。

From the first time I got kicked down at school, all I wanted to do was go home. That was all I could do as a 9-year-old anyways. Although I am now 25 years old, the memories still haunt me. Was it really so bad that I couldn't finish my advanced [higher-level] homework? I have been struggling with this trauma my whole life. From this moment on, I started to think about leaving my family and my parents for good.

逐句分析

原翻译：From the moment I got kicked, I was determined that I should go home, and that was all I could do at the age of 9.

Native 改为：

From the first time I got kicked down at school, all I wanted to do was go home. That was all I could do as a 9-year-old anyways.

理由：英文需要将背景交代清楚，got kicked表述不够明确，有一位native speaker读后表示以为是一个比喻的说法，因此这里增译了在学校，有待商榷，另一种可能是在家里被父母打了。

原翻译：Even at 25 years old, I still can't get over that feeling

二校改为： Even at 25 years old, the feeling still haunts me

Native 改为： Although I am now 25 years old, the memories still haunt me.

理由： get over feeling表达不自然，和原文不符，二校对修改更生动，但根据native speaker反馈feeling需要用复数，此外haunt更多与memory合用，因此进行了意译。

原翻译：Just because I couldn't finish cross-grade homework doesn’t mean that I am doing anything wrong, isn’t it?

Native 修改1: Just because I couldn't finish a higher level of homework doesn’t mean that I did anything wrong, does it?

理由： 改正时态和语法不一致的问题，此外cross-grade homework的翻译不够地道，不知所云。

一二校对修改： I couldn't finish the homework of a higher grade, but how wrong could it be?

Native 修改2:  Was it really so bad that I couldn't finish my advanced [higher-level] homework?

理由：译文读起来不够自然，上下文情感不够连贯。此外higher-level表述也不地道，属于字对字翻译，可以考虑意译为advanced。

原翻译： This has been a shadow in my heart for all of my life

一校修改：Since then, I have been living with this shadow all my life

Native修改：I have been dealing with this trauma for my whole life

Native 修改2: I have been struggling with this trauma my whole life.

理由：shadow用法有误，living with this shadow的意思是活在某人的阴影里，因为某人比你强，改为了trauma。

原翻译： And that might have been the point where I started to think about staying away with my parents and my family.

Native 修改版本： From this moment on, I started to think about leaving my family and my parents for good.

理由：原翻译太过字对字，不符合英文行文表达。

5. 我的恐惧，我的不安，我是否不值得被爱呢？如果世界上只需要神童，那我这样智商的孩子，是否就应该被这样对待？直到现在我还是会去找借口，是望子成龙。

I was horrified and anxious, wondering if I was unworthy of love. If the world is meant only for prodigies, should I accept that a child of my IQ just deserves to be treated like that? Even now I would still ascribe this to my parents’ over-expectations of me.

原翻译：I am horrified and anxious

审稿修改：I was horrified and anxious

理由：时态不合适

原翻译：  If the world is designed only for prodigies, should I take for granted that a child of my IQ just deserved to be treated like that?

一二校对版本：If the world only asks for prodigies, then will it be justified to treat a child of plain IQ like me in this way?

Native 修改：  If the world is meant only for prodigies, should I accept that a child of average intelligence just deserves to be treated like that?

理由：过于字对字翻译，感情色彩不合原文。a child of plain IQ翻译生硬。

翻译组：

Desmond， 愿你出走半生，追逐便士，归来依旧，心有月光

校对组：

Francis，满地都是六便士，我却抬头看见了月亮

Rachel，学理工科，爱跳芭蕾，热爱文艺的非典型翻译

Nikolae，新手人民教师，声优探索者，乃木坂47与AKB49

翻译审稿漫谈

Desmond， 愿你出走半生，追逐便士，归来依旧，心有月光

熟悉我们的读者应该知道，我们一直致力于翻译经济学人，始终专注于英译中。这次，应广大读者要求，我们进行了第一次的中译英的翻译工作。选文是翻译组呼声很高的一篇文章：校园暴力受害者，去年12月选择离开人世的青年摄影师鹿道森的自杀遗书。翻译期间，恰逢寻亲男孩刘学州同样选择将自己的一生埋葬进苍茫而冰冷的大海之中，令人不胜唏嘘。

和英译中不同，英语并不是我们的母语，对于翻译出得文字是否准确地道，很多时候也拿不准，虽然我们翻译组有二十位一笔老师，但是也难免有词不达意或表述不够地道的地方。这里我举两个例子。第一个是前几天中国日报双语新闻公众号的推文，关于虎年能不能说成是Tiger Year的问题。中国日报的班底当然是国家队级别的。水平远超我们，但是他们的文章说虎年不能说成Tiger Year的结论却着实有待商榷。笔者咨询的几位ABC都表示他们就是用Tiger Year；此外笔者公司（谷歌）发的也用的是Tiger Year。另一个例子是下文中“追梦人”的翻译，我们的翻译是dreamchaser，这个词一般而言没有意义，我们也确实查到了平行文本这么用的。然而，两位native speaker在review的时候都表示可以猜出来，但是没有听过这个说法。考虑到文章的体裁，我们最后放弃了这个说法，而是接受他们的意见，改用一个稍显复杂的表述：someone who chases his dreams。

在这次的翻译中，我们非常荣幸能得到多位耶鲁大学、芝加哥大学以及UCLA毕业的native speaker帮我们review并提出修改意见，在此我们特别向他们表示感谢。囿于我们自身水平有限，另一方面即便是native speaker的review意见也并非是金科玉律，我们也欢迎读者对我们的翻译进行讨论和指正。

观点|评论|思考

本期感想

Rena，坐标墨尔本的笨蛋PhD Student，爱读书爱摄影爱傻笑

在那个时候

又是这样子啊，抬头向前看，他们聚在一起吃饭，整个教室只有我一个人，坐在后排，捧着盒饭，我问他们要不要一起吃饭，他们轻哼了一声说，你还想跟我们一起吃饭，臭胖子？

又是这样子啊，班主任把我叫到全班同学面前，拿着教尺，冷漠地看着我，问到：你还说自己没错？可是我清楚，当时不是我主动跟同桌说话的啊，为什么只打我一个人呢？

又是这样子啊，体育课上，在东北一片干净的雪天里，看着打雪仗的其他人，我永远是那个被剩下来的小胖墩，没有人看得到我，或者说，没有人想看到一个笨拙的胖子。

又是这样子啊，我又在梦里回到那个最黑暗的时刻了。一次又一次，我时不时会从梦中惊醒，醒来的那一刻，我无比庆幸，现在的我离开了过去的一切，再也不是那一个笨拙，肥硕，游走在孤单边缘的小孩了。

其实直到长大后，我仍然想不明白，为何仅仅因为胖，就会带来这么大的敌意，为何仅仅因为我的父母给老师送礼少了，班主任就会如此公开地示威，如此嚣张地“处刑”？无数次很感激这段经历，如果不是这段经历，我也不会下定决心减肥，直到现在我也忌惮碳水，誓死不碰一口碳水，如果不是这段经历，我也不会默默努力学习，在海外拥有全奖读博的机会，如果不是这段经历，我也不会面对这个世界永远竖起我的戒心。

无数次，我曾幻想，如果我的生命可以结束就好了，在那个时候，在无数个我被人看不到的时刻，在无数个我被人齐齐盯着的时刻，在无数个我试图伸出我的触角去善意地走向他人的时刻。

很多人说，生活只有一种英雄主义，就是认清了生活，仍然热爱生活。可如果时时刻刻，你都要活在这取之不散的阴影中呢？在那个时候，我从没想过，仅仅因为外在，会成为我遭受一切的原罪，直到听到你的故事，鹿道森，我知道我不是一个人，我们一样喜欢摄影，一样都喜欢猫猫，一样在一个陌生的城市挣扎着努力生活。

我也曾无数次想过一了百了，但想到我的猫猫，我所喜欢的事还未完成，那些事情就像一股查克拉，推着我努力向前，我多想跟你说，在那个时候，你不是一个人。

在那个时候，我是鹿道森，他也是鹿道森，她也是鹿道森，这世界上，有千千万万个鹿道森，你从不孤单。

公益翻译，如果喜欢我们，一键三连走起来٩(◕‿◕｡)۶